


The Countdown

by arsenaldestiel



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-06 05:25:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6740131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arsenaldestiel/pseuds/arsenaldestiel





	1. Chapter 1

Dean rolled over and landed with a thump on the hard floor; he woke with a start. Was it Tuesday? Saturday? He couldn't remember; all he could remember was his dream from the night before. He had dreamed about Cas... Cas was this scrawny, nerdy kid who lived in a small dorm on campus. He was so cute and handsome and very gay, which was very important to Dean. Dean wasn't out of the closet yet, but a few of his friends had guessed it; Dean was bisexual. Most of his friends had been supportive, except for Hannah. Hannah knew about Dean's feelings for Cas and was jealous, because she, Hannah, also had feelings for Cas. Hannah had told Dean that this was "just a phase" and that it was "curable," but Dean knew better than to listen to her. She started telling everyone about how Dean was gay and that he was "an abomination." It was easy to deny this, because Dean wasn't gay. He was bisexual; it was an easy mistake for a person like Hannah to make. It was easy to deal with Hannah though, because Dean held a secret of hers that he used to blackmail her with, and eventually she gave up. 

Cas lay in bed staring at the ceiling of his dorm room; deciding whether or not he could get out of bed today. He looked around and realized what a mess his room had become. Two of his books were out of place and he had forgotten to put away all of his homework from the previous night. He knew that he needed to fix it, but did he have the strength? Eventually, he crawled out of bed and onto his spinning chair and pushed himself over to his desk. Once at his desk, he began to clean. He put back all of his books, cleaned up all of his papers, and started to get back in bed. All of a sudden, he tripped and landed face first on the floor. He felt like he was forgetting something important, and then it hit him. Today was the day that he was going to ask Dean Winchester to date him. He had been contemplating this for a long time, and thought he was ready. He just wasn't sure if Dean had feelings for him. Cas had been out of the closet for a while now, but Dean was still at the very back. Cas was pretty sure that Dean was gay, or at least bi, but he wasn't sure. That little bit of uncertainty terrified Cas more than anything else. What if Dean wasn't gay? What if Dean didn't like Cas? All of these questions kept swimming around in Cas' mind. He wasn't sure what he would do if Dean said no, although he didn't really know what he would do if Dean said yes. He had devised a strategy to keep himself calm during the process, but hadn't really gotten past that. 

Dean hopped into the shower still trying to figure out what day it was. His mind was still a little bit foggy, and he had no recollection of what had happened. He didn't even remember if he had slept with someone. He shared an apartment with his little brother Sammy, so Dean could always ask him. Dean was saving that as a last resort though, because it's just embarrassing to ask your brother if you slept with anyone the night before. As the water cascaded over him, Dean thought more and more about last night, and it was slowly coming back to him. Dean stepped out of the shower and suddenly remembered all of the events of the previous night. He looked at his face in the mirror; he was horrified. How could he have been that stupid? He got dressed and brushed his teeth. He walked into the kitchen, and saw Sammy already studying. Sam wanted to be a lawyer, and Dean was going to support him no matter what. They only had each other, because both of their parents were dead. Their mom had died in a house fire when they were kids, and their dad abandoned them a few years back. Soon after, he got drunk and died in a car crash. They had inherited a shitload of money from their rich, snobby dad after he died. Sam looked very peaceful, so Dean decided to leave him alone. He grabbed the keys to Baby, his 1967 impala, and walked out the door. He looked down and saw a note on their doorstep…

Cas had paid a friend to drop an anonymous note at Dean’s door telling him to go to the park at 3:00 that afternoon. Cas glanced at the clock, he still had four more hours to wait. He walked into his bathroom, and took a quick shower. Afterwards, he carefully put on his clothes and grabbed his lucky trench coat. He brushed his teeth, dried his hair, and then started to pace back and forth and back and forth. He still had two hours and he kept telling himself that he had to eat something, but he was too nervous. Cas tried to read a book, and time started to pass. Eventually, it became time for Cas to leave. He put on his trench coat, fixed his hair, and opened the door. Then, he started the countdown. The countdown was what Cas did every time he got anxious about something. He would count backwards from five, and he would think happy thoughts as he did it. Five. Dean would smile when he saw Cas. Four. Dean would start to walk over to Cas. Three. Dean would laugh as Cas started to talk. Two. Dean would lean in and hug Cas. One. Dean would tell Cas that he loved him. Cas started walking in the direction of the park.

Dean reached down and picked up the note; it was addressed to him. He opened it, and started to read. The note said to go to the park at 3:00 that afternoon, but it was left anonymously. Dean was skeptical; he didn’t know if he should trust the note. He thought about it while he drove to a coffee shop and grabbed two cups of coffee. He thought about it while he bought Sam a new book, because Sam had just finished his last one. He thought about it while he drove back home. He didn’t know if he should listen to the note. He was curious, but at the same time he was worried. What if it was someone trying to murder him. He didn’t really value his own life, but who would take care of Sam if he died? Dean didn’t have any plans for his life, but Sam was going places. Sam was going to become a successful lawyer and mary his loving girlfriend, and Dean was just going to be drinking too much, and sleeping with a new person every night. Dean thought about whether or not he should go all afternoon. He must have dozed off at some point, because he woke up and it was dark outside. He looked at the clock, and 11:00 was flashing back at him. He had missed whatever was waiting for him at the park. He wish he knew if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. Dean lay in his bed staring at the ceiling all night wondering what would have happened if he had listened to the note. He didn’t know why he cared so much about a stupid note. Was it really that important?


	2. Chapter 2

Cas only lived a few minutes away from the park, but he wanted to arrive early so that he had time to mentally prepare himself before Dean got there. When he got to the park, Cas started pacing back and forth to pass the time. He kept glancing down at his watch and then looking around the park. Dean was nowhere to be seen. Cas tried the countdown, he tried to take deep breaths, but nothing was working. His heart was racing, and hundreds of questions kept popping up in his head. What if Dean didn’t get the note? What if Dean realized that Cas had sent the note? What if Dean didn’t like Cas? What if Dean had been injured on his way to the park? More and more questions kept flooding into his head. Cas looked around and found a bench not too far from where he was standing. He tried to walk over to it, but his head was spinning. He tripped once, but managed to regain his balance. Then he tripped again. He hit his head on the bench, and passed out. When Cas woke up, the sky was dark and the park was empty. Slowly, he sat up; his head was pounding from where he hit it, and he was sore everywhere. He sat in silence for a few minutes trying to remember what had happened earlier that evening. Eventually, Cas stood up and walked home. When he got to his room, he collapsed on to his bed.

Dean must have fallen back asleep at some point, because the sun was shining when he looked out of the window. He got up, showered, and walked into the kitchen. Sam was nowhere to be seen, but then he saw a note on the table. It said that Sam had gone to the store, but that he would be back soon. Dean cooked some eggs and bacon for breakfast, and then sat down to eat. After he finished eating, Dean debated what he wanted to do. He didn’t have any place to be, and Sammy wasn’t home, so he couldn’t do anything with him. Dean decided to just watch a movie to pass the time. Dean sat down to watch the movie, but fell asleep before it actually started. He woke up to Sam’s face standing above him. Sam said that there was a note from a person named Castiel taped to the front door. It took him a minute to realize what Sam was talking about it. All of a sudden, Dean bolted upright and raced to the door. Castiel was the cute, scrawny boy that Dean adored. He wondered if Cas had left the note yesterday. He picked up the note, and it was the same handwriting as yesterday. The note said that Cas was sorry for not leaving his name on the note from the previous day, and that he hoped Dean wasn’t mad. Cas said that he would be at the park at the same time today, and hoped that Dean would show up. He looked at the clock, and saw that he still had two hours; he was definitely going today.

Cas woke up at 3:00 am and grabbed a piece of paper. He was going to try again and again until Dean showed up. He wouldn’t give up just yet.

Dear Dean,

I just wanted to tell you that I was the one who left the anonymous note yesterday. I am sorry if it seemed at all creepy or weird. I am still interested in meeting you, and I would love if you would agree to see me. I will be waiting at the park at the same time today, please, please stop by. Also, I really hope that nothing has happened to you, and that you are okay.  
Sincerely, Castiel Cas grabbed his coat, and started walking to the apartment that Dean shared with his little brother. He taped the note to their door, and slowly walked home. He hoped that Dean would see it this time, and that he would actually show up. Cas collapsed onto his bed as soon as he got back to his room, and he immediately fell asleep. He woke up a few hours later, only to fall back asleep again. Eventually, he woke up, and he didn’t fall back asleep. He glanced at the clock, and then realized what time it was. It was almost two! He only had an hour to get ready. Quickly, he threw himself into the shower, dried his hair, got dressed, and ate a bowl of stale cereal. He looked at the clock, and was relieved. He still had ten minutes before he had to leave. He started the countdown. Five. Dean would show up. Four. Dean would smile at him. Three. Dean would walk over and hug him. Two. Dean would say that he loved Cas. One. Cas would say it back. Cas walked out the door and towards the park. Once he arrived, he paced back and forth, and then Cas saw him.


	3. Chapter 3

“Dean!” Cas shouted, “Dean, I’m over here!” Cas started to run towards Dean, and Dean smiled at him. Cas felt his heart beating quickly; he went over the countdown in his head, but he was too excited for it to help.

“Hey Cas!” Dean said. His voice was music to Cas’ ears. It was so silky and smooth; it made Cas want to melt.

“Hey Dean,” Cas started to speak, “I uh… I’m sorry about the notes; I’m sorry if you don’t want to be here. I uh… Dean… Will you…”

“Cas, will you be my boyfriend?” Dean asked.

“I… Yes… I was just going to ask you... I uh… Dean… I love you…”

“I know, Cas, I know. I love you too.” Dean slowly took his hand, and they walked around for a while. Cas was aware of how much his hand was sweating, and he was afraid Dean would say something. The sun was starting to set, and only then did Cas realize how much time had passed. They walked over to the same bench that Cas had hit his head on the previous day, and they sat down together. Slowly, Dean leaned his head in and started to kiss Cas. Cas didn’t know what to do, so he just went along with it. He had never kissed anyone before, but Dean was obviously experienced. Dean pressed his soft, warm lips against Cas’ more and more passionately, until he heard a click.

Dean pulled away, and turned around. Hannah was standing there with a group of people laughing at them. Everyone had their phones pulled out taking pictures of Cas and Dean. “Hannah! What the hell are you doing here?” Dean shouted as he got up and stamped towards her.

“Well Dean, this is a public park,” Hannah replied, “We’re allowed to be here.”

“Whatever,” Dean started, and then thought of something, “Were you allowed to be in my apartment, on my bed, making out with a random guy, while we were dating? Was that okay? Huh? Hannah, you are such a pretentious bitch! You think that the world revolves around you. You think that anything you do is okay, but if someone else does the same thing, it’s the end of the world. Well news flash, it’s not! So Hannah, go to hell!” Everyone gasped and took a step away from Dean. Everyone, except Hannah.

“Dean, you don’t know the whole story,” Hannah sounded timid, “Dean, I was…”

“I don’t give a damn about the rest of the story. I know enough. I think coming home to find two people, one of which you were dating, making out on your bed is enough. So Hannah, fuck off!” Dean proceeded to punch her in the face, and walk away. 

“Hey Cas, come on!” Dean shouted, anger still raging throughout him.

“Dean, I can’t do this,” Cas turned away and started to run, “I have to go.”

“Cas wait! We can talk about this! Please don’t leave me Cas, I love you. Cas please stay with me,” but Cas was already gone. Dean turned around and saw everyone slowly backing away from him. “Yeah you better back away, because I’m pissed! Whenever I’m pissed, other people get hurt! So run away and go cry to your mommies about mean Dean! I’m done! I’m just done!” Dean turned around and walked away. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew that he wasn’t ready to go home yet. Dean walked around for several hours, and he started to walk past the park. He turned and saw something laying on the bench that he and Cas had been sitting on earlier. He walked closer and saw that it was a trench coat; a trench coat that belonged to Cas. Hesitantly, he walked over to it and saw a note laying on top of it.

Dear Dean,

I am sorry that it has come to this, but I am afraid that I can’t go on. I have had dreams about talking to you since we were kids. I watched you walk home with Sam every day. You would always smile when he came running over to you, and he would spill out everything that happened during school. I cried myself to sleep, because I felt so bad for you after what happened to your parents. You were the guy of my dreams, and I thought I would never get to talk to you. At first, I just watched you from afar, but then I decided that that wasn’t enough. I wanted to be your friend, so I tried and tried to talk to you. I never could until now; I always freaked out at the last minute. Until yesterday. I tried to make myself talk to you for seven years. I woke up each day for seven years telling myself that I could do it. I never could until yesterday, and then you didn’t show up. I thought that you knew it was me, and that you purposefully ignored me. You won’t ever understand what that did to me inside. I told myself that you would show up over and over, and then you never showed. I thought that you hated me. I wasn’t ready to give up. I had waited seven years for this, and I wasn’t going to let you not showing up stop me. I was ready to break down your door and force you to confess your love for me if I had to, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t give up. I even made up this thing called a countdown to try to calm myself down when thinking about you. It didn’t work half of the time, but I still tried. Tonight was supposed to be the best night of my life. I finally talked to you, and immediately fell in love with you. It was such a huge achievement for me. When you said that you loved me, I felt like my life was complete. I had loved you since before you even knew that I existed. The more you talked, the more deeply in love I became. Then those people showed up. I couldn’t tell if you had been friends with them in the past; all I knew is that you knew them. When they spotted us kissing, I felt like my life was over. I was so embarrassed. I didn’t know what to do; I felt like the world was ending. I couldn’t think straight; I was afraid. I did the first thing I could think of; I ran away. I have always run away from my problems instead of facing them; it’s a big personal flaw of mine. I didn’t think where I was going, and somehow I ended up at your place. I knew that you weren’t home, so I continued to run. Eventually, I got to my place and wrote this note. I don’t know what happened after I left, and I don’t ever want to know. Dean, I love you. I always have loved you, and I always will. I will love you for the rest of my life. Fortunately or unfortunately, I don’t know which, that won’t be much longer. I can’t do this anymore. Now please don’t think that this was the only reason that I decided to do this. I don’t want to be known as the kid who died of embarrassment or something like that. That wasn’t the only reason. I have been fighting my whole life and I’m tired. Dean, I’m tired. If you are reading this, I’m probably already dead or close to it. The empty bottle of pills in my hand, or maybe I dropped it on the ground. Either way, I’m gone. I’m sorry Dean, I love you. I just couldn’t keep fighting. Please never forget me Dean. I love you. Love, Castiel


	4. Chapter 4

“No! Cas!” Dean cried out even though he knew that nobody could hear him. Dean stood up shakily, grabbed Cas’s coat, and started to run to where he thought Cas lived. When he arrived at the complex, he was out of breath from running so quickly, and his eyes were stinging. He started running through the halls screaming for Cas, but he couldn’t find him. He was banging on the every door. He didn’t care who he woke up; he needed to find Cas.   
“What the hell is going on out here?” a cranky voice shouted behind Dean.  
“Do you know Cas? Castiel? Does he live here? Where does he live?” Dean was sobbing now, but that wasn’t important, “I need to find him, please.”  
“Castiel, the scrawny kid with the trench coat? He lives at the end of the hallway. Are you okay?” the person answered cautiously.   
“No, I need him. He needs me. We… I need him.” Dean had already started to run. Eventually, he got to the end of the hallway and started to bang on the door. It wouldn’t budge. Dean kicked at the door, and punched at the door. He even threw his whole body against the door several times. He was desperate to get inside, but the door wouldn't open. The person slowly came up behind him, and she placed a hand on his shoulder.  
“Here, this key will get you into all of the rooms here. I don’t know what’s wrong, but it seems urgent.”  
“Thank you. You have no idea,” Dean sobbed as he took the key. He jammed it into the lock and forced it to turn. He pulled the door open and looked around. He saw Cas just as he had said he would be. Sprawled out with the bottle of pills in his hand. The person gasped behind him. “Call 911 please,” Dean whispered.  
“I don’t think that there is any point. I’m sorry, he’s gone,” they whispered.  
“Please just call,” Dean cried.  
“I’m sorry, your friend, he’s dead. Calling 911 won't help,” the person tried to explain to Dean.  
“Fine I’ll call them myself! He can’t die! Not now! Not like this!” Dean pulled out his phone and slammed down the numbers.   
“Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?” a cheerful voice answered his call.The person was way too cheerful to have such an awful job. How could anyone be cheerful when taking calls for an emergency phone line?  
“I need an ambulance! Now, please. It’s my boyfriend he tried to kill himself! Please help, he’s dying! He’s dying!” Dean sobbed into the phone.  
“Sir, what’s your address? Please stay calm; we are sending help. Just please tell us your address,” that same cheerful voice replied over the phone.  
Dean screamed the address into the phone, and the person said that help was on the way. As soon as he hung up the phone, he ran to Cas. Dean pulled Cas’s head onto his lap and started stroking it. “I love you Cas. I love you baby. I need you. Please don’t die on me. Dammit Cas! Don’t die!” Dean was sobbing again.   
Exactly four minutes later, the ambulance pulled up to the apartment. Everyone came running, and they lifted Cas onto a stretcher. Dean followed them back to the ambulance, and he climbed into the back. They sped away to the hospital, and the rest was a blur. Dean watched as they rushed him to a room, and started their procedure. He couldn’t stand to watch anymore, so he sat in the lobby and started staring at the wall. It felt like several years passed, but eventually a doctor came out. Dean stood up and rushed over to him.  
“Hello, I’m Doctor Mills,” the doctor said, “and you are?”  
“I’m Dean. Dean Winchester, but that’s not important. Cas is important. Is he okay? Will he survive?” questions started pouring out of his mouth.   
“Dean, please calm down. The first thing I need you to understand is that Castiel took fifteen of those pills. The maximum dosage for that is two pills, but for a person of his size, one is recommended. That dose should have killed him almost instantly, but by some miracle it didn’t. Cas is still unconscious at the moment, but he should survive. Now Dean, you should get some rest. It’s nearly ten o’clock.”  
“Doctor Mills, thank you. Can I… Can I see him?” Dean asked nervously.  
“I knew you would ask. Follow me.” Doctor Mills led him through a hallway, and into a room where Cas was laying on a bed.  
“Cas, baby!” Dean shouted as he ran towards him.   
“Dean, we don’t know when he will wake up. It could be a few days, and it could be a few months. We certainly will be hoping for him to wake up very soon, but please don’t expect that. I’m sorry Dean; I know this is difficult, but you have to be patient,” Doctor Mills tried to reassure Dean.  
“Thank you. Can I have a moment with him alone?” Dean asked.  
“Sure, I have another patient to visit. Bye Dean,” Doctor Mills responded.  
Dean turned around and walked back over to Cas. He looked so peaceful; just sleeping there. He looked nothing like someone who had tried to kill themselves a day ago. Dean was about to sit down by Cas, but then he heard his phone ring. He glanced at it, and started to put it away. Then he realized that it was Sam calling. Dean had completely forgotten about Sam. How could he even begin to explain what had happened?  
“Hey Sam, I’m at…” Dean started to explain.  
“Dean! Where are you? We’re supposed to go out for brunch with Jess’ family today. Don’t tell me that you forgot. We’re leaving in an hour, be ready by then,” Sam interrupted.  
“Listen to me Sam! I’m at the hospital. You know that guy who left a note on our front door? We started dating, and then that bitch, Hannah, she ruined everything. Long story short he’s in the hospital, and I can’t make it to brunch,” Sam shouted back.  
“Oh Dean, I’m sorry, I didn't realize. I’ll call Jess; maybe we can reschedule some other time,” Sam sounded worried, “Oh Jess is calling now. I gotta go, bye Dean.”  
Dean sat by Cas all day. He was tired and hungry, but he didn’t want to leave Cas’s side. Several nurses came to check on Cas throughout the day, and they all asked if Dean was okay. Dean absentmindedly nodded each time even though he wasn’t okay. Dean stayed by Cas all through the night and the next day. He tried to sleep, but he was too worried about Cas. Nurses kept checking in on them every hour or two, but they all blended together. Another day passed without Dean sleeping. He had a pounding headache, and decided to go down to the hospital coffee shop, and he bought himself a cup of coffee.


End file.
